...smiling that smile...

13MAR2010

The Chaplain came by to pray with us before our first mission.  When he finished, I took out a packet of salt, poured it into my hand and threw it over my right shoulder.  It was an attempt to make witty mockery of an absurd situation.  Whatever my intentions were meant to be, they had been lost.  All of my soldiers, and quite seriously so, agreed that I should have used my left shoulder.  Too bad, I thought.

The drive to Adder was, as predicted, uneventful.  We arrived some time near 0200, drew billets, ate and went to bed.  I do remember one additional heart beat the moment we crossed into Iraq, but, I imagine, it was for memory of the past, not concern for the future.  Regardless, it was a lonely extra tha-thump; spaced far and evenly from all that followed.

We all had to find ways to fill the hurry up and wait that came the next day.  I rode the bus.  All of those FOBs have bus lines; routes designated by color, color designated by destination.  I rode the purple bus.  It brought me to and from nowhere.  It was a continuous line to disappointment.  Every time we stopped, I jokingly asked myself, “Are we there, yet?”  And the sad comedy of reality answered again and again, “No. Not yet.”  I remember The Never Ending Story, and that, in my youth, I could never understand trying to out run nothingness.  I understand now. 

The drive south was much the same as our journey north, save one note worthy event.  Only a few hundred meters short of Kuwaiti sands, one of our escorted vehicles broke down.  In the wait for repair, two of the soldiers we’re here to relieve, took the opportunity to put their missions into Iraq behind them one step at a time.  When I drove across the border, I found one of them with his thumb out.  We drove home with the dirt and dust still covering his boots.  He was smiling.  And I thought of the year ahead, and my hopes of smiling that smile.

- The Exodus